1. Of all the temptations that ever I met with in my
life, to question the being of God, and truth of his gospel, is the worst, and
the worst to be borne; when this temptation comes, it takes away my girdle
from me, and removeth the foundation from under
me: O, I have often thought of that word, “have your loins girt about with
truth”; and of that, “When the foundations are destroyed, what can the
Sometimes, when, after sin committed, I have looked for sore chastisement from
the hand of God, the very next that I have had from him hath been the
discovery of his grace. Sometimes, when I have been comforted, I have called
myself a fool for my so sinking under trouble. And then, again, when I have
been cast down, I thought I was not wise, to give such way to comfort. With
such strength and weight have both these been upon me.
I have wondered much at this one thing, that though God doth visit my soul
with never so blessed a discovery of himself, yet I have found again, that
such hours have attended me afterwards, that I have been in my spirits so
filled with darkness, that I could not so much as once conceive what that God
and that comfort was with which I have been refreshed.
I have sometimes seen more in a line of the Bible than I could well tell how
to stand under, and yet at another time the whole Bible hath been to me as dry
as a stick; or rather, my heart hath been so dead and dry unto it, that I
could not conceive the least drachm of refreshment, though I have looked it
Of all tears, they are the best that are made by the blood of Christ; and of
all joy, that is the sweetest that is mixed with mourning over Christ. Oh! it
is a goodly thing to be on our knees, with Christ in our arms, before God. I
hope I know something of these things.
I find to this day seven abominations in my heart: 1. Inclinings
to unbelief. 2. Suddenly to forget the love and mercy that Christ manifesteth.
3. A leaning to the works of the law. 4. Wanderings and coldness in prayer. 5.
To forget to watch for that I pray for. 6. Apt to murmur because I have no
more, and yet ready to abuse what I have. 7. I can do none of those things
which God commands me, but my corruptions will thrust in themselves,
“when I would do good, evil is present with me.”
These things I continually see and feel, and am afflicted and oppressed with;
yet the wisdom of God doth order them for my good. 1. They make me abhor
myself. 2. They keep me from trusting my heart. 3. They convince me of the
insufficiency of all inherent righteousness. 4. They show me the necessity of
flying to Jesus. 5. They press me to pray unto God. 6. They show me the need I
have to watch and be sober. 7. And provoke me to pray unto God through Christ,
to help me and carry me through this world. Amen.
Section 2 | Section
3 | Section 4 | Section
5 | Section 6 | Section